I had travelled through meditation to my private grove, within my mind. Was I creating it or was I travelling to a place that already existed within me? I do not know. In any case, I reached such a place and immediately felt at peace as the great old trees appeared around me in a circle. The center of this miraculous glade was dirt, simple dirt. Where the trees stood, there was lush grass, bushes, and all sorts of growth. Within the circle though, where I stood, was only dirt.
I stood in the very center and realized that the circle the trees formed was blurry to my eyes, though the trees themselves were not. It was as though everything beyond them was out of focus. I did not get too stuck on this fact, instead focusing on what it was that I had come there to do. I began breathing slowly and let a circle form around me perfectly, carrying it/ moving it in time with my breath. You might say discovering it and becoming accustomed to moving it wider and then, letting it come back close around me in time with each breath as an extension of myself. I focused on nothing but this, letting it become comfortable for me. Breathe in and expand, breathe out and tighten. It began to feel natural and then, the circle seemed to solidify around me
I was surprised but not concerned. I traced it with my eyes. It was white, slightly out of focus but firmly there. I looked around me then again and through the bushes, by a tree, I saw something. I saw the horns of a stag atop a head which seemed human. It was out of focus and I could see no face. I felt that it was male, though I had no idea what he was or who he was. I felt him smile an impish smile that reminded me of the stories of Loki, the trickster. It was not mean, merely playful and I smiled as well. I laughed suddenly, I could not help myself.
There appeared a fire behind me, a camp fire. The flames blazed, burning brightly and I felt its warmth. I watched it dance and flicker. When I turned back, the figure was before me. He was no more clear to my eyes than he had been before but I felt him close, the heat of him. I was overcome with need of him.
Thinking back upon it now, I am embarrassed but in that moment, I felt only him and a need to be filled. It was not merely a sexual need as a woman may often feel, it was as if I was empty of something more. I had no time to think as he was suddenly behind me, his arms wrapping around me as I stood there captivated. Just as quickly, his lips were upon my shoulder and in front of me appeared a female, equally out of focus to my eyes. Even so, I could feel her beauty. I was frozen, suddenly afraid. Who was she? Here I was within the arms of a strange man or being, melting quickly into him before her eyes. What if she knew him? Would she be angry with me? Was I in danger?
My head swam with fear and worry, shame and helplessness for my inability to pull away. Before I could think further on it, she was upon me and I was calmed. How quick they were. I fell to my knees and she lifted my chin to gaze upon me as they fell with me in perfect time. I could sense her amusement as her lips met mine. I melted then within them both and was filled with the both of them. Though she was female, somehow, she had male genital’s that I had not seen before. Had they just appeared? I was held captive between them, my thighs spread wide as they plied their trade. I felt the fire behind me. Our movements became the fire and I was one with them, with the flames, dancing and looking out upon the grove that I was within. I was me, I was them and I was the fire. I was all of this and I was water and though we were now within the fire, it did not burn. The only heat was between us, the logs had not burned and we danced joyously, bound together. We danced then as one in an erotic non-sexual moment within coitus outside of time itself. It was never ending and all encompassing. There was a crescendo of joy, pleasure and fulfillment. I cannot adequately describe it, my words cannot do justice to this moment for I have never felt anything like it before.
And then, they were gone and I was alone, yet not alone. The fire vanished, following them whence they came and left me there within my circle in the center of the grove and I smiled. I felt more at peace, more loves and able to love than ever before. All that had happened was past and yet, still hung there in the air, never ending. I did not worry but simply breathed slowly, allowing myself to be dragged back to reality. And that, dear reader, was where my opened my eyes once more, smiling still.
It was not a dream, it could not have been, the sheen that clung to me testified to that, but what was it? I found it oddly hard to care about finding the answer to this question, somehow knowing that they are still there, within me. I will see them again and that is far more than enough for me.